


i don’t know who i am anymore

by toobscocaine



Series: 4am drabbles [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Good Boyfriend, M/M, Panic Attacks, Tooth Rotting Fluff, boyfriend support
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24691144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toobscocaine/pseuds/toobscocaine
Summary: yamaguchi has lost himself. always trying to please people, he’s not sure who he actually is, because there are so many of him.ortsukishima is the best supportive boyfriend for yamaguchi
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: 4am drabbles [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754374
Comments: 1
Kudos: 69





	i don’t know who i am anymore

**Author's Note:**

> hi again, it’s me, taking out all my dumb feelings into fanfics that nobody reads

Crying. On the bathroom floor. That’s where Yamaguchi was. His door didn’t have a lock, so he went to the bathroom. He could hear the sound of his own breathing, rapid and uncontrollable.

The world looked to blurry, warmth went through Yamaguchi’s veins. His eyes were dry from too many tears. The phone lay idle next to him, a text from Tsukishima lit up the screen.

_be there in 5_

It was from four minutes ago, but Yamaguchi was shaking to much to touch the screen. It felt distorted in Yamaguchi’s vision. He could see the dim light of the full moon out the small bathroom window. The wind blew the curtain in front of it. All was silent except for the wind and heavy breathing. 

There was a knock on the bathroom door.

” _Tadashi_ , it’s me.” A voice that sounded far away, maybe underwater to Yamaguchi. 

“N-no mother-r. Y-yes?” it barely came out of Yamaguchi. Probably sounded like nonsense.

”She’s not here.” Yamaguchi still couldn’t pinpoint the familiar voice, but he knew he could trust. 

He walked slowly, shaking, towards the bathroom door. With a _click_ , the door opened, and a tall figure walked in. Yamaguchi’s view was to dark to figure out who it was, and cold hands touched his sides.

”Tadashi. You’re okay. I’m here.” The boy lifted Yamaguchi’s chin up. Yamaguchi tried to focus his eyes.

 _Oh. It’s Tsukki_. “B-but I c-can’t bre-“ Yamaguchi slumped to the floor, and the tears stopped.

”Tadashi? TADASHI! P-please, please no. Stay with me.” Yamaguchi could feel Tsukki shaking him. He tried to manage words, but they just couldn’t come out. He wanted to speak to Tsukki, tell him it was fine, but he couldn’t. His voice was far off in the distance.

Yamaguchi heard something, the phone ringing maybe, then Tsukki’s voice. “Hello? It’s my f-friend, he passed out. I think he was having a panic attack. I got here as soon as I could but-“ Tsukki wouldn’t stop sobbing, and it made Yamaguchi try to cry too, but he couldn’t.

Tsukki kept talking to them, the people on the phone. “They’re gonna be here soon Tadashi. You can hold up, just stay with me a little longer.” Tsukki stroked Yamaguchi’s hair and hugged him tight. Yamaguchi wanted to thank him, but he was left to watch.

“I love you Tadashi. I love you so much, you can get through this.” Tsukki’s tears fell onto Yamaguchi, refreshing the heat that had overtaken him.

Love? What a silly word, is what Yamaguchi had always thought. Yamaguchi has is so many different people. He’s a people pleaser, always changing to make others happy. When you live in illusion for so long, you lose yourself. Those people aren’t yourself, and Yamaguchi wasn’t sure who he really was. Yamaguchi didn’t know what he wanted or he liked, because he always fit himself for others.

He was living in an illusion. He was the illusion. Well, who was he? How could Tsukki possibly love him if even Yamaguchi didn’t know who he was himself.

”L-love t-too.” Yamaguchi managed, practically inaudible. Tsukki’s hands tensed on his shoulders, and then Tsukki planted a kiss onto Yamaguchi’s lips.

”It’s okay. I’m here. They’ll be here soon. I’ve got you. I’m never leaving you.” Both of them were crying now, tears falling onto both their clothes. Foreheads pressed together, the room all but silent to their own breathing.

Then Yamaguchi heard sirens, nearby, but it made Yamaguchi feel underwater. 

Tsukki picked up Yamaguchi, and opened the bathroom door. The noise the creaky stair makes, that’s what Yamaguchi heard. 

Then there was more voices, and Yamaguchi left Tsukishima’s cold hands for some new ones. He could still hear Tsukki’s voice somewhere, in a conversation.

Then as they lay him down, Yamaguchi’s world went black.


End file.
